From One Mom To AnotherNovember 2016
Courage in Difficult Situations
Bullies! Sounds like they are everywhere. Everyone is talking about them. Many people are blaming them. Some of us are them! Well, I hope you and I are not really actively bullying anyone. Maybe we have been in the past, but hopefully we have figured out how to stop. Not every unkind act is bullying. Sometimes kids do mean things, but that does not make them a bully. So, what do we tell our daughters about them and how do we empower them to have the courage to face them? That is quite a lengthy subject to touch on in a short newsletter. There is a book on the horizon, but for now, let me tell you that the first step is to train our daughters in such a way that they do not become bullies. Hmmm, once more, you are given the great opportunity to decide whether you will swim with or against the current of today’s culture. Secondly, we give them the opportunity to express courage in light of difficult situations that they are facing or to help when they see others with less courage.
Okay, so how are either of those things accomplished? It’s the easiest thing we do and the hardest thing we do. We teach our children (by example, of course) to do what is right, no matter what. Today’s bullies have increased, their hurts are much more intense, and there is social media to multiply it and make it go viral in a matter of a few moments in time. However, God had answers before today’s challenges, and He has them today, as well; If, we will find a way to seize them and put them to practice. You know, lately, I’ve quoted this scripture several times: The Kingdom of Heaven has endured violent assault, and violent men take it by force as a precious prize — a share in the heavenly kingdom is sought with most ardent zeal and intense exertion. Matt. 11:12 Amplified Bible I used to wonder what it meant, but it simply means that being a believer in Jesus Christ is not an easy task; you have to work hard at it. This is one of those times we have to work at it.
Remember how important communication is: I can’t begin to tell you how many times my daughters, no matter which young stage they were in, would share an injustice that a friend or not-friend had committed. The indignation was often great. I tried to reassure each one that I understood and also thought it was bad, but that the only behavior that she could control was hers, and that one day she would stand before God and give account for her behavior. Knowing that we will stand before our Maker over all of our behaviors, words, and attitudes, is a big step in character and “choosing to do what is right when no one is looking.” Continual, consistent training to tell the truth, to speak and act kindly, to use self-control, to respect others and their belongings are keys to our children not becoming bullies.
The first step in standing up for ourselves and others is what we just mentioned in Part 1. Having the ability to take responsibility for our own behavior gives us self-respect that is not easily trampled on. Knowing that one has a mom (or dad) who will listen to whatever a child needs to say, give good advice (and pray for the outcome), and respect the child, is huge in this process. On a couple of occasions, I have told a daughter that she needs to say words like these: I want to be your friend. But if you continue to speak to me like that or treat me like that, then we will not be able to be friends. I’ll still care about you and pray for you but I cannot be around someone who treats me so mean. The first time that a shy daughter repeated those words to a mean friend, she came running out to the car in tears. The girl had said that she didn’t want to be her friend. Oh, how I prayed that night, that God would somehow step in and show us if it was wise counsel or not. Praise His name, the very next day, that same little girl came to my daughter in tears and apologized. Not an easy task to tell your little girl to be brave when it would be much easier to just call the other mom, but how I grew in that event and so did my daughter. Often, we must intervene when the damage being done by the bully can be irrevocable or physically harmful. But, if it can be settled simply, it is good to allow our children the opportunity to practice courage and then to experience victory.
If we look to the Bible, we see stories of Bible heroes facing bullies such as David vs. Saul and Joseph facing many bullies from brothers to employers using sexual harassment to colleagues, so to speak, that forget to keep their word. The thread that runs through all of these stories is that of the hero doing what was right no matter what. In some, the bully is confronted and in some, God applies justice. Either way, justice is done. A strong faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty allows the hero to achieve victory over the bully — and, in many cases, the bully also is changed. Once more, I would like to refer you to the book Search for Significance. The principles stated and taught there are key in allowing our children (and ourselves) to keep from accepting a victim role and in walking into a victorious role with our Creator.